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Omar Serrano

This post is a good one. The strong point in it include that you have a good thesis. It's solid, short and is clearly stated. Some things that could be done to improve this post are easy to find. In one of the paragraphs you start talking about Edward being able to be charged with child neglect. This seems to stray away from your thesis and into a totally unrelated matter. Also your conclusion at the end does not relate to your thesis in the beginning. Relating those two make for a much better post. One last thing, it's a small one but it seems you should reread your post before you publish it. There is one thing that I saw that could've been easily catched by doing this. In the introduction it says "In this case, Edward Rehberg was accused of severely beating and abusing her eleven year old daughter,...". It says HER eleven year old daughter and Edward Reheberg is a man. This is still a good post and was well done.

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