Phot Album

Andersonville

Comments

[Joe McKay]

However, there are a few opportunities for you to have a stronger essay. One way in which you may do so, is by lengthening the narration(s) of your photo essay. You need to provide the reader/viewer with more concrete descriptions and evidence that support the focus of your essay; by stating only what is going on in the picture and not relating it to a pertinent topic, you leave the reader in confusion of what the whole point of your photo essay is trying to reveal. I suggest examining the photo’s more closely and exposing their meaning and relation to the focus of your essay. Another way you could construct a much stronger photo essay, is to add an introduction to it instead of merely placing a picture for the entrance to your gallery. You do not want the viewer to enter the gallery with no prior knowledge or information as to what your album will be about because he/she [the viewer] will not be disinterested right off the bat. By including an introduction, you not only inform the viewer as to what you will be discussing, you will also state your own perception of the topic and what you will be arguing. I also noticed that you have no thesis statement. I suggest that you include a thesis statement next time you do a photo album because without a thesis statement, the topic you present will not only be vague, there is also not sound basis for your argument; mainly because by not including a thesis statement, you have no argument. Therefore, I would include a thesis statement, even if it is as simple as stating the topic you will be discussing, it still gives the reader a more concrete view of what he/she will be looking at and reading. A final opportunity to produce a sounder photo essay would be to make revisions and edit out all the grammatical errors or spelling errors that one may come across. One sentence that particularly stood out to me when looking at your album was in The Costs. The very first sentence, “In the end though due to the hardships endured by the Union prisoners; dieses, famine, weather, over 4,000 men lost their lives” contained multiple errors in both spelling and grammar. You might alter this sentence and say, “In the end, due to hardships such as disease, famine, and weather harsh conditions, over four-thousand Union prisoners lost their lives.” Another occurrence of grammatical errors that I saw was in The Untold. The sentence(s) “If you ask any college student about the civil war and most of them will/should be able to go on at length about the many big battles, generals, and/or leaders or the era. Ask them about Anderson Ville though and the are left slack-jawed” would be much better stated as “If one were to ask any college student about the civil war, most of them would be able to thoroughly discuss about the many big battles, generals, and/or leaders of that encompassed it. However, if one were to ask them [college students] about Anderson Ville, they would be left befuddled in confusion.” Your photo album needs much more effort in order to become a strong, compelling, piece of work. I suggest that next time you put more time and effort into the overall structure and persuasiveness of your composition.

[Joe McKay]

You have decent descriptions of what is going on in each picture, which gives the reader a better view of what you are discussing in your paper. However, there are a few opportunities for you to have a stronger essay. One way in which you may do so, is by lengthening the narration(s) of your photo essay. You need to provide the reader/viewer with more concrete descriptions and evidence that support the focus of your essay; by stating only what is going on in the picture and not relating it to a pertinent topic, you leave the reader in confusion of what the whole point of your photo essay is trying to reveal. I suggest examining the photo’s more closely and exposing their meaning and relation to the focus of your essay. Another way you could construct a much stronger photo essay, is to add an introduction to it instead of merely placing a picture for the entrance to your gallery. You do not want the viewer to enter the gallery with no prior knowledge or information as to what your album will be about because he/she [the viewer] will not be disinterested right off the bat. By including an introduction, you not only inform the viewer as to what you will be discussing, you will also state your own perception of the topic and what you will be arguing. I also noticed that you have no thesis statement. I suggest that you include a thesis statement next time you do a photo album because without a thesis statement, the topic you present will not only be vague, there is also not sound basis for your argument; mainly because by not including a thesis statement, you have no argument. Therefore, I would include a thesis statement, even if it is as simple as stating the topic you will be discussing, it still gives the reader a more concrete view of what he/she will be looking at and reading. A final opportunity to produce a sounder photo essay would be to make revisions and edit out all the grammatical errors or spelling errors that one may come across. One sentence that particularly stood out to me when looking at your album was in The Costs. The very first sentence, “In the end though due to the hardships endured by the Union prisoners; dieses, famine, weather, over 4,000 men lost their lives” contained multiple errors in both spelling and grammar. You might alter this sentence and say, “In the end, due to hardships such as disease, famine, and weather harsh conditions, over four-thousand Union prisoners lost their lives.” Another occurrence of grammatical errors that I saw was in The Untold. The sentence(s) “If you ask any college student about the civil war and most of them will/should be able to go on at length about the many big battles, generals, and/or leaders or the era. Ask them about Anderson Ville though and the are left slack-jawed” would be much better stated as “If one were to ask any college student about the civil war, most of them would be able to thoroughly discuss about the many big battles, generals, and/or leaders of that encompassed it. However, if one were to ask them [college students] about Anderson Ville, they would be left befuddled in confusion.” Your photo album needs much more effort in order to become a strong, compelling, piece of work. I suggest that next time you put more time and effort into the overall structure and persuasiveness of your composition.